The Ocean

RI’s State Senate District 1 Race: The Middle Child of Special Elections

As Rhode Island’s Congressional District One special election continues to hog the limelight, the State Senate District One race is reportedly considering a rebrand in a desperate bid for attention.

August 24, 2023, 7:01 am

By Uprise RI Entertainment Staff

As Rhode Island’s Congressional District 1 special election continues to hog the limelight, the State Senate District 1 race is reportedly considering a rebrand to “Discover Rhode Island’s Best Kept Secret” in a desperate bid for attention.

While the Congressional District 1 race has been flooded with campaign ads, televised debates, and even its own line of merchandise (including a limited-edition scented candle called “Eau de Democracy”), the State Senate District 1 race has been met with the enthusiasm typically reserved for a dentist appointment or a mandatory work seminar on email etiquette.

“I thought it was a typo,” admitted Providence resident Gary Mitchell. “I mean, two District 1 races? Sounds like someone’s been hitting the Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V a bit too hard.”

The overshadowed State Senate District 1 race, aiming to fill the seat of the late Maryellen Goodwin, did receive a glimmer of hope last Wednesday. The Black Lives Matter Rhode Island Political Action Committee hosted a debate at the Smith Hill Library. However, sources report that the event was upstaged by a squirrel outside the window performing what appeared to be an interpretive dance.

Local news stations, in an attempt to cover both races, have resorted to split-screen broadcasts, leading to confusion among viewers. “I thought it was one of those ‘spot the difference’ games,” said Tina Rodriguez, squinting at her TV. “Turns out, it wasn’t.”

In a last-ditch effort to gain traction, the RI Board of Elections has considered various attention-grabbing tactics, including releasing a mixtape, starting a rumor about a hidden treasure in the district, and even suggesting a crossover episode with the Congressional District 1 race.

WPRI political analyst Tom Black weighed in: “It’s like when two movies release on the same day. One’s a big-budget superhero flick, and the other’s a documentary about the history of sand. Guess which one the State Senate race is?”

As the election nears, the State Senate District One candidates remain hopeful. “Maybe we can be the surprise hit of the season,” they mused. “Or at least get a shoutout in the credits.”

The Ocean is a satirical look at past, present, and future stories that have occurred or may occur in Rhode Island. This is a single-article preview. Read the full edition of The Ocean, coming later this month to Uprise RI.